God works his wondrous ways in the smallest of things. Now this will be a little funny story. It's all about a laxative, and well you know. I don't know if you know it or not, but radiation constipates a person. Well it did, and I was, so off to Thomas drugstore I go. That was yesterday. I spoke to Ms. Angel wings Diane, and asked her for help in getting something that would work right away. Because I had again today, ride up to UNC. Well I took to laxative approximately 2 o'clock yesterday. Sure enough within an hour I had results. The results were on, and on, and on continuing into morning. As we were leaving I told Willard that he would most likely have to stop at every gas station, convenient mart and any other places that had restrooms. I offered up a prayer to the Lord to help me out in this situation. Nary a sign of urgency all the way to Chapel Hill. Upon stepping into UNC hospital, feet away from the bathroom it hit me. As I was later lying on the slab ''as I call it''getting my radiation, it hit me again. I offered a little prayer for the Lord's help, and the urgency went away. A little later, the urgency hit me again, again a little prayer and the Lord help then also. On the way home not a sign, then upon stepping into the house the urgency once more hit.
Now I know that you're setting their with your eyes wide open and your mouths too, LOL. You're asking yourself why in the world is she talking about such things. It's to demonstrate just how wonderful our Lord is. You see we pray to the Lord for all the big emergencies, the devastating things in our lives. But many of us forget that he is there for the little things. He's there to stop the embarrassment that could have happened today while taking radiation. He's there for the little things. I don't know how big your God is, but my God can and does handle every area of my life. I can trust him no matter what.
So until next time, this crazy old woman wishes you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

A few years ago while Willard and I were doing the Sunday school at the nursing home, the nurses aides brought in a new resident. The new resident was a tiny little black man, bent over as he sat in his wheelchair. A stroke victim. Even though he was in such bad shape he had a smile on his face that seemed to brighten the whole room. After singing and giving the Bible study, Willard and I would always stop and have personal conversations with all the residents. And while this little man was new, of course I wanted to find out his name and a little something about him. I remember like it was yesterday, I could barely understand a word he said. He kept repeating what I thought were the words, Java like some coffee. And I really didn't understand that he was trying to tell me his name, I really thought he wanted a cup of coffee. So I asked a nurse's aide about getting him one. The aide chuckled and whispered to me," no Joan, that's his name". A few weeks passed, and I was learning to understand him some better. And I remember, he asked me to sing a special song for him. The song was," I know that my Redeemer lives" I did not have the music for it, but I made him a promise that I would get it and sing it, the next time we came. I went to the Bible bookstore uptown, and found the track of the song. I worked hard that week learning the song and finally getting all the notes close to right, lol. Well, I even got where I could sing it pretty good. But nowhere near what the original artists, Mueller could.
So that next Friday when Willard and I went to sing and give the Bible study, I know my Redeemer lives was the first track that I took out to play. As I started to sing the song, tears came to Java's eyes, and he started crying uncontrollably. Of course I started crying too and could not finish the song. It is still to this day hard for me to sing that song completely through. Java loves the Lord so very much that 'not my singing', but that song touches his heart.
Willard came home the other day from giving the Sunday school lesson. He said Java was not present. He had gone down to visit him in his room. You see Willard and I both think a lot of Java. It seems that Java is getting worse off. He lies there very frail, just looking out the window, as if he's looking for Jesus to come.
Please, if you won't mind taking just a little time in your day, say a prayer for Java, and for all those sweet wonderful people at 'not only' Golden Years Nursing Home, but all nursing homes throughout the world. They are fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers. They are the old aunt or uncle that a niece or nephew dearly loves. They all are now in the last home as Mr. Maynard said before heaven. Many, many have outlived friends and families, and have no one, and are truly very lonely.
If any of you want to do something good in this world, go to a nursing home, read some Bible verses to one or all of the residents, you'll make their day. And, your heart will grow tremendously. You'll find out just how much love you can truly hold.
until next time, I wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

I don't know about you, but while I'm busy doing different chores around the house I find myself humming or singing. For some reason it makes lighter my workload. It gives me joy inside. I know I drive Willard crazy on these long trips to Chapel Hill and back, LOL, because I hum or sing all the way there and all the way back. I even hum while he's talking to me. And yes I hear every word he says. I guess it's my way of letting all that joy that God gives me in my soul come to the surface.
I do miss singing at the nursing home and seeing all my good friends there. Willard is at the nursing home now giving the Sunday school lesson. When he gets home he'll give me a report of how everyone is getting along. Most times the reports are so sad. Those gentle loving people are all getting worse off, with each passing day. It breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. Mr. Maynard once said" this is my last home before Heaven ". And in fact Mr. Maynard is letting everyone know that he wants to die. You see Mr. Maynard is a man of God, his prayers sends cold chills down the spine of the sinners around him. His prayers are so powerful, and with each request while he prays, you can tell how much he loves the Lord. And there's Mr. Jack, always with that silly little smile on his face. I sure miss seeing that smile. And then there's David. Every time I walk into the lunch room he's yelling to the top of his voice" guess what Ms. Joan" and then he'd go into describing something he had received from someone or a visit they had with someone. Lately he too has slowed down and stays in his room more. And Ms. Georgia. Ms. Georgia a very proud lady. My understanding while she was still with her husband that she was treated like a queen. She'd always tell you about her father or husband and the life that she had with them. But now she hardly knows who we are when we walk in. Where there was once acknowledgment of our presence , there is now just a blank stare. And then there's Ms. Pearl. Ms. Pearl hardly knows she's even in this world, and yet as she sits in her chair, staring into oblivion, she's humming a sweet song.
Yes, I do believe that the little songs we hum or sing, hardly noticing that we're even doing it, comes from our very souls. It's the joy that Jesus Christ feels our hearts with. So much joy, it has to come out, somehow.
I just want to say this, praise God, praise God, praise God!

Colossians 3:16
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

So keep those songs singing, and continue to hum those hymns, and feel the joy of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ rise up in you.
Until next time, I wish you happiness and health, God bless and God save.

When you spend much time at a cancer hospital, you see all kinds of people. You see the ones who have cancer with the knowledge that their cancer is 100% curable. You also see some of the most unfortunate ones too. One man sitting there with his wife was talking to the nurse about his feeding tube. The acid from his stomach was coming out and irritating the skin around it. The nurse gave instructions of how to rectify that, while trying to get him to take more cans of nutrients. He does two cans a day but needs to have four. She was trying to talk him into taking at least three a day. Each time he does a can of nutrients, it takes about four hours because of his low tolerance. Can you imagine spending your life with a drip bag connected to a feeding tube 12 hours a day?
And there I was sitting there prior to that, feeling a little bit sorry for myself. Although chemotherapy was doing no good, and my tumor was too large for regular radiation, I still have a good chance of getting rid of my cancer with the cyber knife radiation. So I consider myself pretty blessed.
You know it's easy to feel sorry for yourself when there's no one else around worse off than you are. But as each one of us look around the world, it's easy to find someone much worse off than we are ourselves.
We sat around our homes cool in the summer, and warm in winter. We complain about the bills, and complained about having to pay them. We complain about the grocery bill, and how much groceries costs. We definitely complain about gas prices. But we forget about all the people who have lost their homes, and are living in tent cities. We forget about all the homeless families with nowhere to go. And indeed many with small children. And yet we still sit around and complain about our little bitty nothings.
Will we ever learn? I think not. We are humans beings and for some reason being human means that we only think about ourselves and our families and the people that we love. We tend to forget about all those people that are so unfortunate.
God please change us, is my prayer. Help us be more sensitive and caring to other people and for other people, without it being thrust in our faces. Help each one of us not to be so self absorbed that we don't notice all the beautiful people around us.
Until next time, God bless and God save.

It being Mother's Day, I'd like to tell you about some exceptional women. The first of course would be my own mother. I know I have told you in the past that my father kidnapped us children from our home in Virginia, and brought us here to North Carolina where his mother was, and there we were raised, that is until I turned fourteen. My grandmother had finally decided to let me go see my mother then. I had not seen my mother since the age of six. I've often thought of what my mother went through after my father took us. I can only imagine the torment that she went through. I know as a mother if I were to lose my children, especially at an early age, it would be like taking my reason for living. My mother did accept Jesus Christ into her life, and I know in my heart she's flying with the Angels. I love you mother, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you. Another exceptional mother, is my mother-in-law Cora Glover. Cora accepted me into the family and treated me like a daughter. And I always will be grateful to her for that. Because I was not raised with my own mother, no one could understand how I felt about Cora, except that is for Willard her son and my husband.
And another fantastic woman, although she never bared a child of her own, but she was a mother to us all. She was Naomi Lucas. No one ever loved people as much as Naomi. I remember when Willard and I got married. That first day when we came back she reached for Willards hand, put her fingers on the wedding ring and silently said a prayer for our marriage. Well, Naomi that prayer was answered. Willard and I have a wonderful marriage. Naomi never let anyone leave the house unless she had given them something, even if it was nothing but a piece of mint candy. The most wonderful thing about Naomi is the way she loved. She loved us all so well.
There's many more mother's that I had adoration for. My sister who raised five children while she worked in Erwin mills. My sister-in-law Janice who is suffering with cancer, but is still there for grown daughters. My sister-in-law Frances Koonce, my sister-in-law Rachel Koonce, my sister-in-law Laurel Moore.
And to all the mothers raising small children, remember to teach them first and foremost about our Lord Jesus Christ. Teach them right and wrong according to God's law and not man's.
Until next time, happy Mother's Day, God bless and God save.

Brenda Marbell and I want to know, Where are they?

Yesterday on Facebook I read this statement that Brenda Strickland Marbell put on. This statement to my opinion is so true. I know that a lot of people who are for gay marriage will dislike this statement. Now let me explain as I did yesterday, I really don't like to talk about politics. The thing is this should have never been a topic in any ballot box, in the first place. As Brenda states when God asked Abraham the number of righteous he could find, Abraham could not find any, This by the way included Lot and his family. Sodom and Gomorrah were cities filled with sodomites,( gays ). Now if you should have the opportunity to study the subject, you will find that Sodom had a bed in the city square just as you entered into the city. All strangers that come into the city were taken, forcibly if needed, to this bed to either have sex, with same-sex men, or be raped by them. Lot pleaded with the men and in Genesis 19:7, to not do it, ''rate the men''.
Genesis 19:5
And they called unto Lot, and said unto him, Where are the men which came in to thee this night? bring them out unto us, that we may know them.
By the statement ''we may know them'' meant to have sex with them.
Genesis19:6
And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
Genesis 19:7
And said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly. Even Lot, who was not serving God as he should, knew that homosexuality was wicked.

Here is Brenda's statement.

I will start by saying I never do this. I am not being political or self righteous because my righteousness is as filthy rags. I didn't take amendment one lightly. I prayed and researched it. But I can't help but feel things from the Lord. I know this will cut off but if you care please read. I just feel there is a link between this and Abraham pleading with the Lord for Sodom and Gomorrah.



He ask...ed the Lord if there were just 50 righteous to save them. There weren't. He kept on till he got God to 10.We started with 50 states and now 31 have passed this. Even California and New York. I wonder if someone is praying for the US to be saved and it depends on how many are righteous. God help us. Just a thought.

As Brenda says in her statement, there were no righteous found among the people either in Sodom or Gomorrah. And also as Brenda states, if that Angel, who was Jesus Christ himself, came and asked about the United States. If he asked how many states are righteous states, I think we would all be wanting.
2nd Thessalonians 2:9
Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders,
2nd Thessalonians 2:10
And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.
2nd Thessalonians 2:11
And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:
2nd Thessalonians 2:12
That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.
You see, many, many citizens throughout the United States and other countries too are under the strong delusion that being a homosexual is normal and right. Considering God created each and every one of us, and considering the homosexual behavior is an abomination unto God. Then those thinking that gay marriage is okay are under such delusion.
If so many, claim to be a Christian, as many Americans do. Then how on earth is gay marriage now legal in so many states. Where are all the so called Christians that are supposed to be God loving God-fearing people? I ask again, where are they?
Until next time, God bless and God save.

I'm not one to get into politics too often. Politics is a very confusing topic. You have your left wings, you have your right wings, you have your conservatives, you have the liberals. You have your pro life or your pro-choice. You have your clean campaigners then you have your dirty campaigners. But the reason I'm writing this is something that's been nagging at me ever since I first saw Romney on TV. There was just something about him that did not set right with me. I guess it was his dirty way of campaigning the mud slinging really got to me. And I was wondering was he really that type of person. To be honest I did not believe much of what he said. I kind of compared him with John Edwards. You know, pretty face but deceitful. And it was today when I saw what kind of person he was in high school (a bully ) made what I was feeling really make sense. Although he did not remember the incident of cutting a classmates hair, he did not deny that it could have happened. He admitted that he played such pranks in high school all the time. His wife also admits that he did such things when he was younger. His wife also portrays him ‘’still’’ as a man who loves to play pranks. I truly hope that there is an independent runner for president because my vote cannot and will not be put to Romney even though I am a Republican. We need a serious person in office, not one who jokes around, not one who is a bully. A bully to me is a mean hearted person. That guy whose hair he cut died of cancer, but his sister relates that he never got over that haircutting that Romney and the other guys did. I myself was bullied at school. I still remember every insult, every name called, and even today it still gets to me, it still hurts, it robbed me of the self-esteem that I could have had. I know many of you will understand that, for you too were bullied.
Do we really want that kind of person in office? I'm just saying – think before you vote.
May God truly bless the person for which He wills to be our country’s leader.Until next time, God bless and God save.

My brother, Jerry Moore, who lives in Uniontown Pennsylvania called earlier. It was real nice hearing from him. It's been a few months since I've heard from him. It's really a shame, but with my scheduled appointments with this doctor and that doctor I haven't even thought about calling him. And I'm sure with his schedule of working and spending all the time he can with his grandson, Charlie, well, I guess we both just kept putting it off until tomorrow. I suppose we all know how that goes. He was asking about my situation of the tumor getting bigger. I explained things the best I could.
Not even five minutes passed and Jean my sister calls. She asked if Jerry had called me and I said yes. She asked what did he asked me, and I told her the conversation. She told me an unnamed person had called my brother Jerry telling him that I had given up.
I don't know who this person was, but for their information and all others I have not given up. It's true that I pray for God's will, because we all know that in the end, God's will will be done. Yes, I would like to live many more years. I have many things that I want to do. I have more quilts that I would like to make, more Afghans that I would like to crochet. Many more fishing trips that I would like to take. But that's all in God's hand.
I'm not afraid of death, although I am afraid of what kind of death. I imagine we all would like to go in our sleep. In fact I pray many times for God to take me in my sleep rather than suffer with cancer. But God's will not only will be done, but needs to be done. God has his reasons for everything that he allows upon each and every one of us. There is a reason why God has allowed me and millions of other people to have cancer. We will never know while on this earth, why. Everything that God does has a reason. It may not be for me, but for someone else that I have this disease. If my disease makes someone else think about their mortality, and they accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior because all of my cancer, then isn't my cancer well worth it?
I love the Lord with all my heart, and I trust him no matter what.
So Jerry, I've not given up, but I will give in to the Lord.
Until next time, God bless and God save.

Well, first of all I want to thank someone for something that she sent me in the mail. Susan Sanders sent me a beautifully written card and a CD of Scripture read by Holly Wagner with music. I haven't listened to it yet because I just received it a few minutes ago in the mail, but I definitely will listen to it and its words of Scripture. Thank you Susan, you have been a good friend and I love you.

And secondly I've received some sad news just a moment ago. My brother Danny called from Virginia. He called to tell me that Janice my sister-in-law's father had died. I don't know, but it seems to me that she is being tested beyond what any human should be. She's also has been fighting long and hard to overcome her cancer. She watched as her parents became unable to stay home alone, and so she had to put them in an assisted living home. That was so hard on her, she cried many tears over it. No person wants to be the one that puts the parents in a nursing home, or an assisted living home. It takes strength beyond strength to do it. But we all know that such things has to be. And now today, this morning at around six clock a.m. her father dies. I don't know how much strength Janice has, but I pray to God, He will be there for her. Sometimes we need more than that physical arm to lean on. My brother Danny as always been there for her to lean on, but I myself know that sometimes that's not quite enough. We need to lean on their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to comfort our very souls. I pray that he will be there for Janice to comfort her, as she goes through the next few days.
I ask you all please keep Janice and her family in your prayers. Keep Janice's mother in your prayers also, she loved her husband dearly and will miss him tremendously. Janice's father was a Christian, and I'm so glad of that, because we know that he's in the arms of Jesus. Janice also has to be in Duke hospital next week for chemo. Dear Lord Jesus be there with her and for her, is my prayer.
Continue praying for Willard and me as I start my treatments next week.'' Hopefully that is''.
Until next time, God bless and God save.

During my consultation with Dr. Zagar yesterday, he explained about the treatment that I would undergo. He will be using a treatment called cyber knife on my tumor. He explained that this treatment although effective is also dangerous because of the high radiation. He said that he could puncture holes in my bladder or intestines and that I could be ending up with two bags. He also said that it was possible that a hip may be broken, I told him if he broke my hip, I would break his. At that he laughed and said that was a deal.
My sister-in-law Janice Moore had sent me some information on Cyber knife a few weeks ago which was very informative, but I lost it. However I have gone on the Internet and found some information. Here it is.
The CyberKnife Robotic Radiosurgery System is a non-invasive alternative to surgery for the treatment of both cancerous and non-cancerous tumors anywhere in the body, including the prostate, lung, brain, spine, liver, pancreas and kidney. The treatment – which delivers beams of high dose radiation to tumors with extreme accuracy – offers new hope to patients worldwide.
Though its name may conjure images of scalpels and surgery, the CyberKnife treatment involves no cutting. In fact, the CyberKnife System is the world’s first and only robotic radiosurgery system designed to treat tumors throughout the body non-invasively. It provides a pain-free, non-surgical option for patients who have inoperable or surgically complex tumors, or who may be looking for an alternative to surgery.

So there we go, that's all I know to tell you. Please keep Willard and me in your prayers. Just a reminder, it's just as hard on family members of cancer patients as it is the patient themselves. Although the family members are not sick, they still have to go through all the doctor appointments, fears, anxieties and everything else. They need prayers just as much as the patient themselves.
Until next time, God bless and God save.

Not the best news.

Well, they did not give me a radiation treatment today. My tumor has gone from 2 cm to somewhere between 4 1/2 and 5 cm. More than doubling in size. Dr. Varia who was going to give me radiation, after seeing the size of the tumor called in another Dr. a Dr. Zagar. Both doctors agreed that my tumor is now far to large to do traditional radiation. They did implant the trackers{the little gold seeds} today. I am to go back tomorrow for an MRI and to have a conference with Dr. Zagar.
Willard, the man that has stood beside me strong, broke down for the first time in front of me today. I'm sure he has broke down and cried many times when I could not see him. But today he said, the disappointment in my face when he first saw me was more than he could stand.
Please keep us in your prayers as I know you will. We both send our love far and wide to all of you. Until next time, God bless and God save.