Paula, I hope you don't mind, but I am going to use what you put on Facebook to show people the truth about how we feel at times.
Here's Paula's comment.
You know, I think the hardest thing about fighting stage IV cancer of any type is the toll it takes on you mentally. People are constantly telling you to "stay positive" and I know they are trying to help, but the reality is the sheer willpower it takes to do that is monumental and exhausting.....which in turn, takes it's own toll on your already run down system. So I'm thinking keeping my chin up isn't as important as letting myself honestly acknowledge how I feel about it all. So.....today I'm not fine.....I'm scared, mad, and genuinely sick of wondering what the next test will reveal about this uninvited guest that's taken up residence in my body. It actually feels good to say that instead of "thinking positive". Sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable....Now Paula is hitting the nail on the preverbal head. People with terminal cancer are not allways in a jolly mood. Sometimes we just want to cry and at times being positive is just more than we can do. It's just not about cancer, it's about the chemo that drains you of your energy. It's about being nausea, and the bone pain etc. etc. I won't bother you with the other more gory things that we cancer victims go through. And too we have to listen to people planning their future lives, while we are wondering just how much life we have left. So these people, when they say that we are in what they call self pitying moods, tell us to be positive. I just wish that some people would just say nothing at all. And too, did they ever think while their on vacation have a marvelous time, cancer patients are trying to get enough energy to take a stroll outside in the yard. And did you know too, how lonely we get. You see people don't want to be around us because it makes them think of their own mortality, and that scares them. But yet they still sat there and tell us to be positive.
I want you to know that what Paula wrote, is not the attitude that Paula is usually in. She has lifted my spirits many times. Just by showing me that she cares. In fact sometimes I don't know how Paula does what she does. She still has children in school we she does as any mother would, put them first. She's a good person with a good heart and right now she's in a bad mood, which I understand completely.
If you would I would appreciate you reaching out and touching the hem of Jesus's garment and say prayer for Paula, and for Janice and for all of us that deal with this thing called cancer every day.
I do know this if I do not know anything. Without Willard's help I don't know what I would do. I have some people do have rallied around me like the people at, Thomas drugstore. While others have turned their backs and walk away.
Well, I guess that's all I've got to say. Until next time Willard and I both wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.