You know, I've got an amazing husband. Willard hardly ever says I love you, but he says it in everything he does. He's doing everything he can to hold strong for my sake. But I know the news we received yesterday is just as hard on him, and sometimes I think even worst, than it is for me. He's so understanding. Yesterday, I told him I did not want to talk about it right at that time, because I did not want to cry, and talking about it would make me cry. He respected my wishes and there was a long silence, then he start talking about anything else that he could think of. One of which was about the three trees in Apex that we pass each time we go to UNC. I've been trying to figure out what kind of trees they are, they're a smaller tree but have beautiful yellow colored pods hanging on the branches. He was saying that he was going to find out the name of them so he could get me one. How sweet. This morning Willard had to go get some medication and then by the grocery store to pick up a few items. Well, the list was a short one. Here he comes in the house with bags and bags of groceries. Everything that he knew that I liked were in those bags. I have to hide the tears that came to my eyes. He tells me he loves me in so, so many ways. Oh, how I love him so, and how I thank God for him!
First Peter 3:7
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. Willard and I are heirs together in the grace of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. If you're not saved, why don't you too become a heir, a brother or sister through Christ our Lord and Savior?
Jesus is only a prayer away.

Until next time, Willard and I both wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

I went to UNC today and saw Dr. Varia. He gave me a pelvic exam. I still have cancer, and there's no way of getting rid of it. He says that he will contact Dr. Gehrig to see if she wants to start any kind of chemo to hold back the growth of cancer. I know she told me before that the chemo was doing no good. As far as I know what she meant was, it wasn't getting rid of the cancer. Maybe, just maybe she'll be willing to do chemo to slow down the spread of the cancer, or God willing even stop the growth. I know it's not the best news I could have given, but it's the only news there is the tell. Now, I'll take some time to let this settle in. And of course a lot of prayers. But you know, I'm not praying for a healing. I'm praying for God's will to be done. And I'm praying for God to let me except things the way they are. And for God to give me the strength and courage that I need. Because as I said in my log the other day, That kind of strength can only can come from God.
2 Corinthians 12:9
And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Until next time, Willard and I wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

This morning was Willard's turn to give the Sunday school lesson at Golden years nursing home. When he got home, I asked how things went. He was telling me about one of the ladies who is a resident at the nursing home. How she got up and played the piano for him. Willard was telling me how blessed he was that she did that. But truly, both people were blessed. The lady was a blessing to Willard in that Willard had someone to play music while they sang the hymn's. But the lady receive a blessing by Willard asking her to play the piano. It gave her a few minutes where she felt needed, where she was important.
We all need to have that feeling ever once in a while. Where we feel important to someone, where we feel needed by someone. I guess that's why many of us older women make quilts for people, crochet Afghans and baby blankets for people. We just want a tiny moment to feel that we are worth something, and that we're just not taking up space. My sister Jean is always making quilts for her grandchildren, and crocheting baby blankets for the newborns. And let me tell you there are many baby blankets that had been made by my sister Jean. Not only has she crocheted and quilted quilts for all her grandchildren, now she's starting for her great-grandchildren. You go Jean. lol.
I repeat, each one of us needs to feel important to someone every once in a while. If you know someone who is down on their luck, or someone who is lonely, Some one that may be feeling worthless. won't you please give a blessing to them, by making them feel important if only just for a minute.
Until next time, Willard and I both wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

There are some people who may disagree with me, and that's okay. We don't have to all think alike. And I am fortunate enough that I don't have very many friends or family members that will say these things. I've been thinking a lot about a conversation that I overheard at UNC between a daughter and her mother. The daughter would say things like ''Mama you're strong, you can handle this". Or," mama everything will be just fine".
To those who think along these lines. I'd like to put in my two cents worth. #1 you're a strong person and can handle this, or, you need to be strong, are not encouraging words at all. In fact this leads me to believe that the other person is saying, ''I can't deal with this, so please don't cry or complain to me". #2. Everything will be okay, everything will be fine. Unless it's spoken by doctor, it really is meaningless.
Suppose cancer was a firing squad, and all guns were aimed at you. Standing there, wondering whether they will fire or not, would these words be an encouragement to you. That's kind of how many cancer patients feel. Will the cancer take my life?
If a person really wants to comfort a person that has cancer or any other kind of disease or condition that is life-threatening, just be there for them. Let them know that it's okay to cry at times. Let them know that it's okay to be afraid. Let them know that you are a listening ear, you're that shoulder to cry on. Let them know, that you're there for them, and that you understand.

If we are strong it's not because of anything any person has said. We're strong because we want to be strong for ourselves. If we're strong, it's because the Lord God Almighty has given us that strength.
Isa 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Psalm 27:1 The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
My strength comes from God, and the faith God has given me. That, I know no matter what happens to this old earthly body, I have a home waiting in heaven for me. No one, no one, can take that from me.
I'm hoping and praying with all my heart, as I have said before, that my cancer is gone. But if it's not, I will have to once more reach deep within myself to find that strength that comes only from God. I hope that each of you will pray with me for a cure for this evil disease called cancer.
Until next time, Willard and I wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

To anyone who has not seen it, this is a picture of the new hat that Diane Jackson got for me. Remember Diane works at Thomas drug store. Willard said yesterday that he wished he could express the love and care that he felt from all the staff there. It's a wonderful experience that all should try. People that are not their customers are really missing something special.
I wanted to keep you updated on my condition. I've not been feeling so well for a couple of days now. And I am still bleeding. I thought maybe my hemoglobin was down. So I went this morning to Dr. Vyas's office. When the nurse took my temperature, I had an elevated temperature. So when I was explaining to the doctor about my bleeding, and the way I was feeling, he did numerous test on me. He did a pelvic exam, and said I either had infection or the cancer was still there. He took a smear and tested it. I do have some infection, and I'm praying with all my heart that, that is what it is. The doctor said, to call him in a week and let him know about things. He said if I am still bleeding in a week that I definitely should call Dr. Zagar at UNC and informed him of what he found.
Please, keep me in your prayers, and pray that this Is not still cancer.
I'm still trusting in the Lord, and knowing that His will shall be done. But sometimes, still I want to cry.
Until next time, Willard and I both wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

Okay, so today I feel like complaining. You know how you get sometimes when it seems like one thing after another just keeps your world shook up? Well, I've been there for a while now. I guess it started week before last, on Thursday. If you'll remember, my last cyber knife treatment was Tuesday of that week. Well Thursday, I started bleeding. I called UNC to ask them was that normal. I waited for the call, but none came. So I call back the following Monday and left word for the doctor to give me a call. The doctor called me and told me that no, that was not expected, but if it got real heavy to go to the emergency room. He didn't seem to be particularly worried. So here I am wondering if I still have cancer, and is that the cause of my bleeding, or is it still the radiation working. So of course that's on my mind a lot.
And then, there is the fact, that I still cannot get up and do anything without completely giving out of breath. I want to be able to stand up at the kitchen sink and washed dishes without feeling as if I'm going to pass out. I want to go in my sewing room and do something, but between giving out of breath, and giving out of energy, every time I think about it, I just change my mind and go sit down in my chair.
There's a lot of little things that seem to be just pushing at me. Some of which is out of my control. I worry about my sons. Now you know a mother never stops worrying about her children. I worry about my sister-in-law Janice, and I'd like to do something to help her out. But that would be like one crutch leaning on the other crutch. Mostly all I can do for her is pray. There are so many of my friends that have health problems. It just breaks my heart to see these people fight to stay alive will fight to overcome a serious surgical procedure. Judy Jackson, having open heart surgery. I can't even imagine the pain that she must be in. And there's really nothing I can do but as I said before, pray for her. I just heard yesterday that a friend of mine's sister has colon cancer. So if you will, you may not know them, but God does, so please keep these people in your prayers.
Then something happened day before yesterday that is personal family business that really has me upset. I can't tell what it was, but I ask you to pray for that situation. God knows what you'll be talking about. All I have to say to this person is, fool me once shame on you. I cannot even describe how low down I believe what you did is. I will not be falling in that same hole again, for now on I will watch my step. And I do say, shame on you, shame on you. I will find it in my heart to forgive you. This is why.
Mt 6:14
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
Mt 6:15
But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Sometimes forgiveness is the hardest thing to do, but we must all strive to do just that.
Until next time, Willard and I wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.

Young ladies, huh!!! When I was young, I remember the most important thing to us girls, was getting enough cremalins under our dresses so our dresses would stand out. Anyone my age will remember this very well. The more cremalins, the more popular you were. My grandmother could only afford one, so my dress did not stand out like many other girls did.
I look at Facebook, and instead of sweet ladylike girls. I see many dressed so inappropriately, sometimes I feel like screaming. It's not hard, if you really want to know how God wanted young and old ladies to dress.
Through His Word, the Holy Bible, God gives us a simple and clear yet general instruction in 1st Timothy 2:9 “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel…” The word “modest” is defined in Collin’s English Dictionary as: 1. having or expressing a humble opinion of oneself or one’s accomplishments or abilities; 2. reserved or shy; 3. not ostentatious or pretentious; 4. not extreme or excessive, moderate; 5. decorous or decent. Therefore, God expects a woman to dress in a proper, well-mannered fashion—certainly not in a provocative, outlandish or excessive way. Christians are to be examples to those around them, living the pages of the Bible for those who never read them. Their appearance and actions should exude stability and good judgment.
Although this does not mean we must dress so out of fashion as to be offensive or strange, it may be more difficult, especially during certain situations, for a woman to be fashionable and modest at the same time, constantly purchasing stylish clothing, that is modest is expected of a Christian woman. Ok, let me add this one thing more. I am so tired of seeing boobs hanging out, belly buttons, butt cheeks, and especially tired of seeing young girls with their pants in front held open for all the world to see. Find some dignity!!!! so I've expressed my opinion. Until next time Willard and I both wish you health and happiness. May God bless and God save.