I sit here and I wonder how things will go for me in the next year. I wonder if Dr. Gehrig will give me chemo to slow down the growth of the cancer cells. Or will she just send me home to die. And then I wonder well, do I really want chemo. How long do I have with chemo, how long without? Each surgery, each chemo has hurt my body more. Willard has ever made the statement not long ago that he didn't think my body could take any more. My mind keeps going one way, then the other. This morning as I stood in the shower and looked down at the blood flowing down the drain, it really hit me. I'm going to die of this cancer. I cried for the first time. I had been in denial until then. Willard I guess heard me and of course then both of us just had a real good blow your nose sob time.
The first time we go through anything, that wonder of how things will go is forever on our minds. Everything's a new experience. But there is One that already knows. And He is with me always.
He will be there for me in both my joyous times and my sad times. And oh, how I need Him right now. Lord Jesus stay.
Until next time, Willard and I both wish you health and happiness, God bless and God save.
Ecclesiastes 3
Ec 3:1
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ec 3:2
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
Ec 3:3
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
Ec 3:4
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ec 3:5
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
Ec 3:6
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
Ec 3:7
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Ec 3:8
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

Ec 3:14
I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him.